I didn't fully disclose why I've been such a (bigger) hot mess of a housewife the other day. We weren't completely public yet. But, we heard a strong heartbeat Friday, so I can finally share that we're expecting Thing 3!
This child is a body ravaging little stinker. So, on top of my inherent laziness, I'm now battling exhaustion and all-day sickness (who was the dumbass who came up with the term "morning" sickness anyway? A guy, no doubt.) The less I sleep and more I try to do, the sicker I get. Between the two kids and my slothiness, the house is now a state I never imagined was even possible.
After making the announcement to friends and family, I've heard all those fun pregnancy-isms people think are appropriate to make. Somehow, I'd forgotten how tactless people can be since my last pregnancy two years ago. After four pregnancies (one that ended in an early miscarriage), I feel I'm sort-of a semi expert on what's appropriate -- and more importantly, what's NOT -- to say to a pregnant woman and I thought I'd share:
DO say you're excited for the couple/the pregnancy is great news.
DO NOT ask if the pregnancy was planned.
DO tell mom she looks great.
DO NOT say "oh, wow! The flabby belly makes sense now."
DO say the baby is a blessing.
DO NOT insinuate in any way, shape or form that the baby better be of a certain gender.
DO have fun making guesses on the gender.
DO NOT justify these guesses with reasons such as "your butt has gotten quite wide, so you must be having a girl" or "cankles mean you're having a boy" or "my sister's nose got big like that when she had her son" or any other rationalizations that include commenting on the mother's physical appearance (unless, as I mentioned before, you're going to say she looks great.)
DO feel free to ask mom when she's due.
DO NOT gasp, pull a face, allow your jaw to drop, ask "are you SURE?" or "is it twins?" or act incredulous when a woman's due date is much farther off than you suspected. What you are saying with this behavior is that she is HUGE. And, that, my friends? Is just rude.
DO share how magical motherhood is.
DO NOT share your horrific birth story. Feel free to share the horrors of pregnancy with teens in an effort to stave off unplanned pregnancies, but don't try to freak out a woman who is already pregnant -- and will therefore have to experience a birth of some sort -- with your tales of 4th degree tears or a botched c-section.
DO ask if she knows -- or will find out -- what she's having.
DO NOT insist she's out of her mind for the choice she's made. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're so glad you were surprised. Or, so what? You "needed" to know so you could plan. Well, good for YOU. She and her husband will make their own decision.
Other tips:
-do NOT touch her belly. You may ask, but please don't fondle anyone, pregnant or not, unsolicited.
-do NOT tell her she can't eat ________.
-do NOT ask if the pregnancy is "natural." Why is it your business if she used fertility treatments?
-do NOT wear strong perfume in her presence if you can help it.
At this point, I'm not really even bothered anymore by the where-the-eff-are-your-manners questions anymore (other than the ones related to making me feel like it's punishment to have two boys, let alone THREE. Those get me all steamed up.) But, maybe these little tips will keep you from annoying your friend/co-worker/sister/cousin/bank teller/etc. Because pregnant women are already on edge. They don't need any stupid comments to push them over the edge.
No comments:
Post a Comment